My ADHD Story.
Spoiler alert - it’s not all bad!
Hi!
I’m Ben, diagnosed with ADHD at 39 and owner of a bookcase full of self-help books I’ll probably never read! I hope that by sharing my story, you’ll be able to relate to some of the experiences. What follows is my ‘best attempt’ at a summary, pretty tough for someone with the university nickname ‘Storyteller’!
If you’re impatient, you can scroll to the end of the story to see where I’m at 8 years later, but I’d urge you not to.
My brain typically runs at 100 mph, in 100 different directions, all at the same time, so it’s pretty hard to keep up with it at times. I can be a creative problem-solver with a constant stream of ideas, or find everything completely overwhelming, leaving me broken.
ADHD in the driving seat (and it drove fast)
Before I was diagnosed, my ADHD controlled and defined me. I had a lot of bad habits, made bad choices, jumped from hobby to hobby, friend to friend, relationship to relationship and job to job. I was poor at organising myself, my time, my paperwork and my money. I lied to impress people, spent money I didn’t have on others to win them over, and made important life decisions based on what I thought was expected of me.
Becoming the clown
From an early age I’d been told to try harder, work faster, stop daydreaming, concentrate, listen better and this affected me horrendously. I began to believe that I just wasn’t as clever as others and imposed my own limits on what I could achieve…but I could make people laugh! If I lost focus or got bored in lessons, I’d pretend to fall off my chair or do something silly to entertain others. It was a smoke screen; a distraction and a mask that I ended up hiding behind, but people seemed to like it, so I did it more and more. Unfortunately, I fell victim to always playing the entertainer, and keeping it up was exhausting.
Yes, this is still the short version of my story!
Always in the comfort zone
After failed attempts at becoming a children’s tv presenter, I gave up as my frustrations got the better of me. I always liked the idea of testing myself, but a crippling fear of failure and not wanting to expose my weaknesses and ‘wonky brain’ at a higher level meant I stayed in jobs I was overqualified for.
Distract’ability’!
I was brilliant at being distracted: phone calls, office visitors, phone and computer notifications going off, being pulled into conversations with colleagues, the sound of people eating, or a car reversing outside. All I wanted to do was get my work done, but a small distraction could totally break my concentration. Employers generally wanted to help, but often didn’t know where to start.
An MD once said to me, “Ben, you’re my employee with the most potential, but who is equally the most frustrating!”
Getting my diagnosis
While struggling with anxiety and depression in 2015, I pursued an ADHD diagnosis. It took a lot of courage, so when my GP dismissively said I’d managed okay so far and there wasn’t any support for adults, so to carry on as best I could, it really knocked my confidence, leaving me feeling utterly deflated.
I returned 6 weeks later and had an entirely positive experience with a different G.P. who referred me to the mental health team where I later received my diagnosis.
A diagnosis brings complex emotions
The good emotions were easy to deal with. My past struggles now made sense, the realisation that I wasn’t stupid, and a new sense of hope that treatments would work. The bad emotions were tough! Anger and resentment that this hadn’t been picked up earlier, grief over my decades of lost opportunities, and a feeling of shame that the label of ADHD brought.
I struggled to unpack and manage the rollercoaster of emotions on my own and now know I should have reached out for support sooner.
Shock horror – People with ADHD like to talk
The more open I was, the more I talked about it, the more I met other people with ADHD or identified as neurodiverse and I learned from shared experiences, laughed about common quirks, and the more normal I felt. Talking therapy had helped, but I wanted to look to the future, so invested in coaching, hoping for the best.
Coaching was a game-changer!
The impact was immediate! I had a safe, confidential space that was mine, where I could work on myself and my relationship with my ADHD. I had someone with the time to listen, who believed in me and supported me every step of the way.
I developed a more positive identity, became less focused on what was holding me back and more on what I could achieve, by playing to my unique strengths.
I felt motivated and excited and began to achieve more than I ever thought I was capable of, but I learned to do things ‘my way’, using my ADHD to give me an edge.
Notable achievements since
8 years on, I’m amazed by what I’ve accomplished:
- Renovated a house as a single parent with poor DIY skills
- Retrained as an accredited mental health and well-being coach, gaining a distinction
- Published a children’s book after crowd-funding the print and production during Covid
- Set up This is Think Differently Ltd
- Became an ADHD Works certified ADHD coach
- Developed an extensive network of specialist support services for every aspect of ADHD management.
8 years on I have a far healthier relationship with my ADHD. I value the passion, energy, and creative strengths it brings and the daily challenges now affect me less.
I have experienced more than my share of struggles, but in telling you my story, I hope you’re reassured that I’m likely to understand your own.
This is not The End.
