Why I’ve never been able to relax in the bath (clue: it’s ADHD-related 😉)

Please excuse my unattractive feet!

A few weeks ago, I would have struggled to take a bath.

Baths are supposed to be relaxing, supposed to give you that timeout and for many people, it's that time to yourself with those restorative qualities that people speak of. I'm 48 now and I can't ever recall a time until the last few weeks that I have felt relaxed in a bath. Maybe for the first couple of minutes, but then as I try and ease into it, my ADHD mind wanders, and I start feeling I should be doing something else. 🏃

I’ve never been particularly good lying still, doing nothing and just being, but then recently, having faced an extended period of overwhelm and exhaustion I started looking at what I could do to recover from that. I've had headaches 24/7 for 7 weeks and brain fog and it’s affected my productivity, energy levels and my ADHD symptoms. 😒

As a result, one of the things I was doing, probably for the first time in my life was properly investing in my self-care. BUT, rather than looking at self-care as a way of recovering, I started looking at self-care as a way of life. 🧘‍♂️

As an ADHDer it's hard; really, really, bloody hard to introduce new habits, even when you know they’ll be good for you. You might try something new for a few days, but once the novelty wears off, it's hard to maintain, so you just give up, but then beat yourself up because you've given up, or worse still, failed! 😒

Now, what I have found in the last couple of weeks has been ground-breaking for me. I've gone from seeing the benefits of having a bath for pain relief with my neck, headaches and sinuses, to making baths deeply calming and satisfying for my ADHD brain.🛀Here’s how:

I still had the inability to sit still in the bath, feeling like I should be doing something, my thoughts going at 100mph, making me feel anxious and unsettled. My internal coach then challenged me to think of how I could make this experience work better for me.

How can I make it work for me? I was thinking the bath isn't really that comfortable with my head against the enamel, so I bought a bath pillow and obviously as an ADHDer I researched the ass out of which one to buy! 🤓

Here’s the thing, ADHDers and fellow neurodivergents can be very incredibly effective problem solvers – we just need to take advantage of how we see things differently!

We don't always feel like we fit in, but society currently asks that we do, so we try and fit in. What really needs to happen is the opposite. We need to find ways that work for us. That's where a lot of our resilience has come from. We've had to find workarounds because systems imposed on us haven't worked for us.

Instead of ruminating on the problem, your frustration getting the better of you, try adopting the mindset of a problem-solver.

You are a problem-solver.
You’ve always done things differently!

Ask yourself what needs to change.
Look for the answers, not at what’s NOT working.
How can you make things work BETTER, FOR YOU?

For me the problem was that I simply couldn’t relax in a bath for more than a few minutes.
BUT I WANTED TO. 😔

In the last couple of weeks, I've introduced a bath pillow, scented bath soaks (so I smell wonderfully floral 💐🤣) and experimented with breathwork. Just like baths, I could never get breathwork to work for me on my own, but by combining the two, it has been transformational.

Now, a bath is the most blissful, brain-quietening, sensory experience ever. It’s my new happy place.

✔️ Dim/no light in the bathroom – helps my eyes relax and my eyes aren’t overstimulated.

✔️ The hot water – getting into a bath I’ve always had that wonderful relaxing feeling once the hot water hits my skin and muscles, but now that beneficial feeling is just the beginning, and it lasts so much longer.

✔️ The bath pillow – Lying back in the bath is now comfortable, REALLY comfortable! The level of relaxation that just-makes-me-smile.

✔️ The bubbles – Wow, the sound of bubbles! Head relaxed down at water level; I tune in to the calm from the microscopic popping noise of the bubbles around my ears. It’s enough to distract me from the 100mph thoughts that usually swamp my head. They’re simply not there! My brain is at peace!

✔️ Palming eyes – Taking my hands out the hot bath, I immediately place my palms over my closed eyes. The sensation of heat and subtle pressure soothes my eyes and prepares my brain for the cherry on the top…

✔️ Breathwork – In my beautifully composed state, I now begin my breathwork. Breathing in fully through my nose, bringing the air into my abdomen and feeling it inflate my stomach and the sides of my waist to the count of 4. My chest remains still. I hold my breath to the count of 4, then breathe out slowly and audibly through pursed lips to the count of 10. When I breathe out, I sometimes make it sound like the sea or the wind, evoking a sense of mental freedom. With every cycle, I feel more and more relaxed.

* Controlled abdominal or belly breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the nervous system, creating a sense of calmness.

The benefits to the ADHD brain or any busy brain are enormous! The restorative qualities help my brain process information better and take what it needs from the experience.

- A bath in the evening can work to empty my brain, preparing it for a restful night’s sleep 💤
- A bath at the beginning of the day brings focus and clarity, mentally composing me for the day ahead 🤩

Some of my best ideas in the last few weeks have come from that time in the bath when I'm not thinking about work…when I'm not chasing new ideas. It gives my brain that time out, the vital processing time that it needs to find the answers and then BAM, it delivers me an idea and action!  

The problem here is that once you've got that idea, it’s a case of, “SH*T! I need to write that down. The challenge is to try and stay in the bath and hold on to that thought until you get out of the bath 🤣…and sometimes you simply can’t!

The more we share with each other, the more we can learn from each other and the ADHD/neurodivergent community.

This is simply what works for me.

What gives you that feeling of clarity, that composure, that sense of calm?
What activities have you tried and then adapted to work for you?